you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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