Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
