he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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