I'm lost and stupid without you.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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