how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
