i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
