so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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