85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
