So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
