You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
