Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
