I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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