My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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