I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
