I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
is wine microwaveable?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
