Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
