got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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