You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize