Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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