that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
