I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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