oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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