That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
