I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
