Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
