Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
