the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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