guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
