Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
