he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
