Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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