I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
