i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
