Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He better not be in your backpack
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
