Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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