Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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