I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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