your parents love me but you hate me
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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