Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
