Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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