Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
