im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
