I didn't shave. On purpose
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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