Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
