i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
