she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
