Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I stole a fireplace last night.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
