two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
