its not stalking. its research.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
