I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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