Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
