The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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