we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
