Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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