Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
