You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
