This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
