He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
