you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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