I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
