ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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