We're like a lot better than the average bears
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize