I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This is the high leading the old right now
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
