youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
