They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
