I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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