Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
