Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
