The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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