im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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