maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
