So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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